I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
