Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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