I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
