does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
