She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
did i just pee glitter
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
