I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
