i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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