he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
