I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize