My nipple is on Facebook.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
