Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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