if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
