Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
