Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
