Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
