My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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