I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize