dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize