I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
