I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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