My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
