It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
