Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
