He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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