I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Terrible idea I love it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
