Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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