Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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