This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
