so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
