she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
