the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
