sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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