i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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