Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
