so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
