You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
