Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
