I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How external is "for external use only"?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
