You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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