I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had sex on a roof
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
