96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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