nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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