My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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