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I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
