We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
