Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize