I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
