Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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