And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
