i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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