I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
