Whod you bang
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
