im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
