Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
