My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize