remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
