carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
