Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
