SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
