i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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