i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize