Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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