Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
