giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
