Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
