I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
