I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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