question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
