I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize