If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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