my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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