Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize