Define "chronic" masturbator.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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