dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
