I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize