They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
