I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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