smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
