That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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