I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
