dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your dad touched me again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
