He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
