her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
