Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
