Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
