woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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