saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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