Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
