You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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