Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
