She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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