I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
