im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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