That's intense
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
