my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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