I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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