Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
