Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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