so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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