Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
