i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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