I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
