watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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