Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
