ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
