I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
