Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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