I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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